Let's Make a Bargain

I don't know what inspiration looks like, but it surely wasn't me this morning. Muscle and stomach cramps at 3am leading to nausea and tears, all before my brain even has a chance to wake up. Ugh.

My last round of chemo was emotionally much easier for me this time, but has been sneakily taking it's toll on me. I'm so ready to feel "normal" again. As normal as I possibly can feel for a woman going through something like this. I just miss having my energy and non-stop-always-need-to-be-creating bug back. That little bug is stuck in the cage in the photo below.

It's difficult to explain how I've been feeling. I have this unsettled restlessness inside me. My mind is always running and my body is extremely tired and achy. After a chemo treatment, you are very quickly tired, and light headed. Then comes the muscle fatigue and aching bones. I am only 31 years old, and this stuff turns you into an 83 year old wilting woman very quickly.

Being the bargain taker I am, I had to ask my oncologist..... What is all of this getting me? Me, my age, my kind of cancer, the treatments I am putting my body through......what are my chances of recurrence?  Dr A, let's call her is this tiny petite Indian American little thing that looks straight out of a JCrew catalog.  I like her because I've always felt like she was going to win this for me. She treated cancer like a bump in the road, and not my eternal path. She quickly answers me, 30% recurrence without treatment and 15% recurrence with chemo treatment.

So that's like a 15% off coupon.

Even though this has been incredibly tough, I know I will get through this. My "coupons" might carry a heavy load right now but will be worth it later.

So, I don't think this was very inspiring still. But I'm fighting. I'm trying.

You Have A Choice

I was driving to work this morning rocking out to Made In Heights. A soft spoken chill Euro-pop group I've been diggin' lately. Believe it or not, I come up with most of my great shit when my stereo is blasting my eardrums at 12.  Drowning out the sound of the world and nagging worries.

As you can imagine, I've had a roller coaster of emotions this past month. I have fallen apart. Completely. But only alone. I can't bear the thought of seeing my family, seeing me, and hurting all over again because of dumb cancer. Some days I ask, "Why Me?". I am grateful, I am loving, I am happy with my life. So....."Why Me?". And then I get pissed off.

I slowly pull up to a stop light and see two ladies waiting a bus, standing in the hot Summer sun. One of the ladies catches my attention. She is in her 50's, with weathered skin, her scraggly long hair pulled back. She is wearing a stained  T shirt, rolled up men's jeans and dirty flip flops. She angrily sucks a drag from her cigarette and squints down the road, peering for the bus. She looks hard. Mean.

Some of you may think I'm about to judge this woman. But instead,  I'm reading her. And in turn, learning from her.

No doubt she has been through a lot in her lifetime. Hardships and lessons that has shaped who she is today.

I've been going through the motions of Doctor appointments, advice, and opinions. Some constructive and some not worth a blink. I've been feeling like life was living me. I was not living life. If I want to live I have no choice but to have surgeries, chemo and radiation in my future.
 But I DO have the choice to decide who I will become because of this diagnosis.

Cancer has already changed me. And I feel myself changing everyday. I want to inspire. I want to create. I want to make connections. I want to love. And most of all, I want to be fearless.

And for that.  I am grateful.

Artwork By Liz Huston.
Love her! Some day I hope to own a piece!

Quiet Company

Lately, I have been feeling quite lonely. I find myself searching for temporary distractions to fill the void where a sweetness once lived. The hard part is not then, but it is now.

Everyone has experienced some kind of loss in their lives. So why do we separate? Why do we feel like no one understands? Why do we feel hopeless? Sometimes I am not sure anyone can actually answer these questions, yet we can all agree we have felt this way at one point or another. So I find myself looking for momentum and inspiration from my surroundings.

I look out my window to the drippy white birch tree and see a tattered spider web, glistening in the sunlight. I can't help but think of all of the time and precious energy this tiny being put into making the most perfectly symmetrical creation of survival. Then I wonder, how many times was this poor creature's web destroyed by the harsh elements of an ever changing world? Yet she keeps building. But this time she might spin her weave a little tighter, build a little higher. And ultimately, her world will be stronger than it was before.

Sometimes the answers to our difficult questions are all around us.They are delicate. They are quiet. But it just takes a little sunlight to illuminate them.

Love is the Only Thing

I'm sitting in our living room right now staring out beyond the tree line along the riverbank. Everything is incredibly soggy and wet outside from the rain and winds of yesterday. Part of me feels so empty and hollow, but then a little bit of sunlight begins to peek through the dripping trees, illuminating the tiny dewdrops. Part of me finds comfort in the promise of change. The hope that the days to come will be easier than this last year, and maybe they will be kind to my heart. I hope.

Many didn't know of Charlie's condition. Early April 2014 he began suffering from full grand mal seizures. Witnessing someone you love in the throws of a violent seizure is the most painful thing I've ever been through. As the onlooker, you are completely helpless until the seizure decides to stop. Thrashing, kicking, choking, and loss of complete consciousness.  I wouldn't wish any part of this illness upon anyone.

We began seeing many veterinarians  all of which had different opinions as to what was happening with my Charlie from severe allergies, epilepsy, to brain cancer. It was not until we reached out to a neurologist for treatment that she came to the conclusion that it was in fact a tumor and/or brain cancer he was suffering from. The meds she prescribed helped sweet Charlie go from 12 seizures in a two day period to roughly 2-3. We were able to manage his condition, but never control it.

It was heartbreaking to see that the medications that were prescribed to help him would eventually make him even more sick. Prednisone, a steroid used to take down the swelling in his brain was the one drug that gave us more time with him, but was also the one that was the most harsh. The steroid began eating away at Charlie's muscle mass, causing his tiny body to thin and weaken. He also began showing signs of dementia and internal bleeding. The emergency meds we were given began to become ineffective and I knew our window of time together was getting shorter and shorter.

January 7th, 2015 I had to make a decision I never should have had to make. But as his guardian, I knew there was nothing left on this earth that I could do to fix this. The saying "Let go, and Let God" finally made sense to me. When you have exhausted every option ,every emotion, and even exhausted the very one you love. You let go, and let God.

There is much beyond our control. There is so much that doesn't make sense. There is so much that seems so fucking unfair. But there is an incredible amount of beauty in this world and I am grateful that Charlie wanted to share a little with me. People that do not understand the connection to an animal are missing out on so much of what this life can bring. Pure, sweet, unconditional love.

I thought that losing him would make me bitter and full of anger. Instead, this has made me grow up, love deeply, show more compassion, and not be afraid anymore. I see how fragile life is. It truly is a gift and I am eternally grateful for the love I was given.

I never said goodbye to my sweet Charlie. You never lose the things you love, because love is the only thing that keeps us all connected.

In Memory of my sweet Charlie.

April 4, 2005- January 7,2015

My Little Tips and Tricks for a Successful Antique Space

 I promised a new YouTube video on how I create a successful antique space. I thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and write it out for you as well, since I tend to ramble and lose my train of thought. This post is going to focus on how I select items for my space. The next post will be centered around a successful display. There is SO much to it! I'm still learning, and not an expert in any way. I just thought I'd share my vintage hustle with you.

I think my #1 tip to you would be to collect items you love, items you yourself would fill in your home. Your special space should be a reflection of you. I guarantee you, if someone who knew me walked into the antique mall for the first time in their life, they would know in their heart which space is mine. 

When I shop an estate sale and find some crazy unique piece, that I, myself, am excited about I KNOW it will sell. (That's if I decide not to keep it for myself. )That's because your customers are going to have the same excitement when they see that special piece!

Yes, I do only buy items I love. But I keep myself aware of trends as well. I subscribe to multiple interior decorating magazines and also pay attention to fashion trends. From colors, patterns, and texture.....the two typically reflect each other. This Spring, pastels like mint green and lavender are HUGE and I incorporated a bit into my space.

Trays of all kinds have always been a hot seller for me. Painted, printed, funky or mirrored. I have one of every flavor. Old picture frames, and by old, I mean OLD frames sell quite often. Look for solid wood, and neat details like carving or chippy filigree plaster. Mirrors are always a hot seller. People like stuff they can use. And who doesn't like to look at them self?

 

                                                                    PRICING


It's very important to have a wide range of prices within your space. You don't want people to pass by your space and think " She has cool stuff, but way over-priced." But you also don't want people to think "That's just a bunch of cheap yard sale crap" either. There is a delicate balance of having both. At the moment, I have items in my space ranged anywhere from $3.00 to $200.00.

You might be thinking, "I'm not going to waste my time with dumb, little, cheap things". But they really add up! At the end of the month, I take a look at my sales and typically items under $40 make up 75% of my sales.

How do you decide on price?

If it's something I purchase from a sale or auction and requires no love of repair from me, as a rule of thumb I at least triple my purchase price. Although, you can sometimes find a $1.00 item that is worth $100! (Junk jewelry grab bags are a gift from God.) If it is something I paint, like a piece of furniture, I factor in my purchase price, cost of materials, and typically charge $20/hr of my labor that goes into it. You sell painted and refinished furniture for the LOVE of it, and the reward comes to you when some happy customer wants it in their home. It's the greatest compliment of all.

I never factor in my actual treasure hunting time on the road. Like I said, you do this for the love of it. I feel very fortunate to finally be in a place where I can exercises my creativity and passion. Do what you love, and the money will come. As with anything in life, you get what you put in.

Can you actually make money at this? The answer is yes.
Before selling my stuff in an antique mall, I sold on Etsy. At first, I told myself I'd be happy if I at least was making enough to cover my car payment. Soon, I began making more money pushing vintage wares than I was working as a business banker. That place totally stressed me out and was the wrong environment for my creative soul. My space at Curiosities Vintage Mall has been very successful and has really given me confidence to even look for another space at a new vintage mall! It's a lot of work, but it's also a lot of fun. There's no stopping me now, and there shouldn't be anything stopping you either!

A Little JunKation Getaway

I looooooove small rural country towns. The hoarder to civilian ratio is much higher. Also, stepping away from the metro area, the prices seem to drop. A winning combination!

So my Mom and I decided to take a little two day junKation down to Roseburg, Oregon.  I have a handful of fun little junk shops I frequent. They don't even show up on Google search, that's how awesomely junky they are!

On our way there, we decided to hit up an estate sale in the morning. We had arrived one hour early and there was already a line of about fifteen people. Since it was raining cats and dogs, we decided to wait in the car, rather than stand in line with the crazies. If you have never been to an estate sale, let me just warn you  that every one there is a little crazy.

Typically the first twenty people in line are dealers, ie: your competition.  Dealers are quick, knowledgeable, and know how to negotiate. The hard core ones even come with grocery store hand baskets. I prefer a wingman, if available.

This estate sale was only letting five people in at a time. The thought of other dealers taking their time, sorting through possible 1950s party dresses, rhinestones, and  imaginary chandeliers made my heart race and my hands sweaty. My mom and I patiently waited in line, keeping our poker faces.

After about thirty minutes, the lady had finally called our names, and we were in! Like the pros that we are, we split upon entry to cover more ground. This plan is usually devised while waiting in the car or in line.

Well, no 1950s dresses or imaginary chandeliers....... but I did score some amazing 1950s suitcases, chalkware figures, and this incredible 1960's hanging rattan chair for $20! I've been wanting one for our patio. Come to find this baby goes for around $200 online. Score baby!

 

This thing took up half of my car, but it's literally a huge basket, which means I can fill it up with stuff.

 

We hit up some of my favorite spots and found some cute smalls (which I shared on FB and a future video). The next morning we got up early and were ready to shop the big antique market at the fairgrounds! I was so freaking excited to drag around my new shopping cart I revamped!

I painted her pink and sewed the fabulous liner myself! I got a ton of compliments while standing in line. Totally fed my crafty ego.

At first, Mom and I were wondering around the market with an empty cart, which was quite depressing given I was prepared to fill her up! The market was actually seemingly small with maybe fifty vendor spaces. Some of them were sky high and others had some treasures with meat on the bone (translation: money to be made).

As some of you know, my big 30th birthday is coming up. You could say I'm difficult to shop for, but I'm really not. I provide everyone with a detailed list of photos, places to find the items, and a decent price point at which to purchase. I guess the difficult part is that I want unique shit.

(ie: difficult to find)

One of the impossible to find items actually found ME on this trip! I really enjoy buying my own early birthday presents. The hunt for the perfect item is fun, and I get exactly what my heart desires.

Enter jadeite S&P shakers with original lids.

My mom is getting better at spotting the gaudy shit I love. We were a bit separated in the market and I heard her calling me to come over an look at something. I get a bit spacy and "junk drunk" at events such as this, and it can be difficult to focus. Mom reeled me in over to this amazing gold gilt, filigree, vined, mirrored, porcelain rose fabulousness that was screaming my name. I did not know what this incredible piece was called, but it was Italian  and GOLD and it needed to be mine.

Enter the Italian Tole Etagere

SHE LIGHTS UP!

It turns out these are quite rare and valuable. I feel a bit bad for talking the dealer down $10, but I had no clue of it's worth! Check this out: http://www.rubylane.com/item/350519-61890A/Italian-Florentine-Large-Gilt-Metal

I die. That's insane. But she belongs to me now.

My inner old lady is pleased.

 

 

 

My Antique Space at Curiosities Vintage Mall

A lot of you know that I have a love of antiques and vintage fashion. I have closed my Etsy shop to focus on my modern jewelry site Luxe Craving but have been craving to get back into my furniture refinishing! There is such a thrill from start to finish of any project. The thrill of finding that one amazing piece buried in boxes of junk at an estate sale, to the actual refinishing and breathing new life into something that has since been forgotten.

My co-worker Jon, had shared with me his friend was opening an Antique Mall called Curiosities. I have always wanted to have my own little vintage space and was thrilled to hear that I might actually have the opportunity to have a spot to display my finds! If you have never had the pleasure of shopping an antique mall, they are typically one large open space divided into smaller  individual dealer spaces. Each dealer has their own specialty and style so it's a great way to shop for that special one-of-a-kind piece because there is something for everyone!

For Spring, I wanted my space to have a softer, more delicate feel with a pink and pastel vignette. I can't wait to show you my Summer design, big plans!

Here are some of my photos from the grand opening!

Hope you enjoy.....

*All photos by JD of  Steele Photos